In the last 30 years I have lost 5 people to Suicide. The pain that, they leave behide, and that is left behind is unbearable, some days feel impossible. But over the years I have learned that
People that Commit Suicide or are suicidal, often have horrible thoughts, feelings and emotions that lead to suicidal thoughts and then leads them to committing suicide, because they convince themselves that everyone in the world including loved ones, friends everyone and everything in the world would be better off without them, they convince themselves suicide is their only option. They believe that all the pain will go away, the pain will stop if they end their suffering however those left behind know that is not true at all, we need them alive, we can't imagine our lives without them. The pain doesn't stop , it doesn't end, just travels to the friends and family that they leave behind , we end up carrying it with us, we carry it every day in our hearts all while we have to live without them.
The ones who get left behind tend to blame themselves. We tend to think about the what if's , what we could of done to save them. Was there a right thing to say? Did I say the wrong thing? Or thinking things like, I Should of been more supportive. Maybe there was more I could have done. .
I lost a few people and most before I was even an adult. I felt loss and knew loss from an early age. Around age 13 is when I started to experience depression , really low/bad thoughts, feelings and emotions however it was only the beginning, i had no clue what kind of journey and battle, I was about to have, I knew I didn't like how I was feeling, it was hard and I was struggling but I never knew just how bad it could get and That one day suicide would feel like my only option.
I personally have been in that same mindset, felt and exprerienced that kind of Horrible pain, last part of this I will be sharing my personal experience I've had with suicide,
Look for the other 3 parts!!
My story: when I was 13-14 years is when I can first remember my depression becoming bad, although I went undiagnosed for years
at a young age I was diagnosed with ADHD, short term memory loss, and delayed learning skills
I was giving ,whats called an I.E.P ( Individual education program) and it wasn't being followed while I was in school I was in a special classroom but the teachers didn't follow it, one teacher who seemed like he had it out for meevery Chance he had ,he would pick on me , make fun of me, embarrass me in front of my entire classroom. just treating me differently from everyone esle. I struggled throughout schoI was being bullied by other students throughout my middle and high school years, I also had a number of other problems I was facing and dealing with,4 separate times I attempted suicide, I made the decision, I made a plan, and I tried however each time someone stopped, they arrived just in time, I will always be grateful and thankful for those people . I have days where I still have bad thoughts and ideas and I hear that little voice try and convince me to take the easy way out. But everyday I choose to continue to fight, to live , it is a daily fight, I am at war with myself, I fight silent battles with my demons no one knows about.
Please understand that I would rather talk to you for hours if it means I don't have to attend your funeral, if it means I don't loose someone else before there time
Part two: in memory of those lost to suicide
Part three: suicide information common questions
Part four : suicide statistics and facts
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